ANYTHING GOES

 

The Cole Porter classic “Anything Goes”

Is a song everyone knows

“In olden days a glimpse of stocking

Was looked on as something shocking

Now heaven knows

Anything goes”

Which attempted to define

The moral decline

Well, little did he know

How low morals would go

Now little is left to the imagination

When it comes to female emancipation

Women display themselves to readily

Or dress inappropriately

Their varying degrees of undress

Expose pierced and tattooed flesh

In thongs with exposed arses

Or skirts as short as west end farces

Naked midriffs of all shapes and sizes

Leaving no room for surprises

Flesh erupts like a muffin

Over waist bands unable to keep it in

And no one should ever wear Lycra

Unless their figure is micra

There are things that should remain hidden

And only revealed when bidden

Equally there are also things about a woman

That does not need to be revealed to a man

For example, a cause of great consternation

Is that we get to hear about their constipation

Loss of bladder control issues

Feminine freshness wipes and tissues

Then there is the shaving and waxing

And treatments men would find quite taxing

There are things we don’t need to see or hear

I just want to make that clear

One behaviour that’s quite disturbing

Is a mother in public breast feeding

Nursing a baby, we don’t want to see

No matter how nice her nurses maybe

But the very worst thing to see

Is when they are out socially

Woman kind when emancipated

Failed to do what was anticipated

In taming the animal in men

And preventing his wildness emerging again

Instead, women have fallen into the pit

And show no intention of leaving it

Laddettes and matrons who should know better

End up drunk laying in the gutter

Even at a holiday resort

Men look on as they disport

Cavorting bare chest-ed

Free of the clothes they have divested

As they display manicured muffs

And unmatched collar and cuffs

The tattoos, piercings and body art

Are the only way to tell them apart

Full of cocktails and beer

And the odd infection I fear

I’m not sure Mrs Pankhurst

When the idea struck her first

Envisaged that this would be the way of it

And Cole Porter didn’t know the half of it

“In olden days a glimpse of stocking

Was looked on as something shocking

Now heaven knows

Anything goes”