A Little Bit Of Humour # 139

FAIRY TALE’S RESPUN # 14

Puss in Boots isn’t all he appears
And you will be shocked to your roots
He is more flamboyant in private
And is often Puss in Latex Boots

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 9

I went into hospital for minor surgery
Afterwards in recovery I heard “oh fuck it!,
“Someone call the janitorial services
We're going to need a mop and bucket!”

THE HAGGIS

Haggis is made from sheep's offal
Oatmeal, suet, seasoning and onions
Stuffed inside of a sheep stomach
Which has to be one of Heston’s creations

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE # 1

The secret to a happy married life
Is that you should simply remember
That to keep on the good side of your wife
Silence is sometimes the best answer

ARE YOU WEARING A BRANDY KEG?

Are you wearing a brandy keg?
Is obviously the question that I beg?
I obviously hope the answer is yes
If it’s no, I’m hallucinating I guess

FAT TUESDAY

Pancake Day is known as Fat Tuesday
And is the last day before the Lenten season
It was a feast day and it was the practise of
Them stuffing their faces that is the reason

A HOLIDAY DECEPTION # 1

I pretend to be someone I’m not
Just to receive something sweet
Which could be for Halloween
Or for a Valentine’s Day treat

SO IF THEY PUT REAL LEMONS

So if they put real lemons
In the washing up liquid
Does that mean that they
Put real fairies in fairy liquid

GRETEL DIDN’T GO TO THE WOODS

Gretel didn’t go to the woods
Looking for a house of gingerbread
When she walked along with Hansel
She was looking for a muffin instead

I WENT TO A LECTURE ON TYRE TECHNOLOGY

I went to a lecture on tyre technology
But during the lecture from hell
The lecturer told a joke about a puncture
Which I thought went down well