A YOUNG WOMAN GOLFER
A young woman golfer had just started
Her round, when she was stung by a Bee,
It was so painful she abandoned the game
And returned to the clubhouse for sympathy
Her golf pro saw her as she returned
And wondered why she was back so early
So he went to ask her what was wrong
And she told him “'I was stung by a Bee”
“Oh dear, that’s awful” he said “Where?”
He was sympathetic right from the start
“Between the first and second hole”
She replied wincing at the stings smart.
He nodded knowingly and said
“Then your feet were too far apart”
THE OFFER THAT SWUNG THE VOTE
The offer that swung the vote
On the recent referendum day
Was lowering healthy portions
From five, to three a day
TO UNDERSTAND DISABILITY
To understand disability, you should
Put yourself in their place
You might want to start by using
A disabled Parking space
AFRICA HAS ITS PROBLEMS
Africa has its problems
With the outbreak of Ebola
But spare a thought for
Every Little Englander
Who is exposed every
Summer to Tombola
DR WHO IS VERY, VERY OLD
Dr Who is very, very old
Even for a time traveller
And I think he is also
Suffering from Dimensia
CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION
Crime Scene Investigation
Better known as CSI
Has been on the air so long
It should be renamed RSI
MY COUSIN IS A LOOKALIKE
My cousin is a lookalike,
He’s a dead ringer
For Prince Harry Wales
He’s a Doppelginger
TOFU GATEAUX
For my birthday my kids
Bought me a Tofu Gateaux
Which was as much use to me
As a slinky in a bungalow
POLITICIANS PRETEND
Politicians pretend to
Represent the people
But in reality, they
See us merely as Sheople
DON’T REST UPON YOUR LAURELS
Don’t rest upon your laurels
Once you’ve reached top
Because someone on the ladder
Is just waiting for you to drop
IF YOU EAT A BURGER
If you eat a burger
And it gives you the trots
You will probably find
It was horsemeat like as not
I LOVE IT WHEN WE BEAT THE AUSSIES
I love it when we beat the Aussies
It’s a bit of a passion of mine
Because they are such bad losers
I’m way up on cloud nine
I like to ask them, “Would you like
Some cheese with that whine?”
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