A Little Bit Of Humour # 64

THE LATEST FOOD SCANDAL

The latest food scandal
Has been the subject of scorn
When Veggie burgers were
Found to contain uni quorn

I LOVE ANAGRAMS # 17

I love anagrams
Anagrams are great
Some make me chuckle
Some make me glum
For example
Hamburgers = Shergars Bum


IN WHICH DIRECTION WILL THE SUN RISE TODAY

“In which direction will the sun rise today?”
At first her question was met with silence
But he explained it always rose in the east
She said “I can’t keep up with all that science”

MY GIRLFRIEND GOT SUNBURNT

My girlfriend got sunburnt
I asked why she didn’t use lotion
She thought she was safe
If her convertible was in motion

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 329

Go to bed first,
A golden purse,
Go to bed second,
A golden pheasant,
Go to bed third,
And be extremely embarrassed
By what you find the other two doing

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 330

If wishes were horses,
Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches,
I would wear one by my side.
Or buy a knock off
From the Veg market

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 331

Needles and pins
Needles and pins
When a man marries
His life begins.
Buttons and bows
Buttons and bows
When she marries
Her workload grows

ARE YOU WEARING A CONTROL BODY?

Are you wearing a control body?
It’s shaped you very well clearly
But what I want to know is
What shape are you really?

PICKUP # 13

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Well Baby I don’t mind saying
The way you wear that frock,
That I'm no Fred Flintstone,
But I could make your Bedrock!”

PICKUP # 14

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Hey honey I can tell straight away
You’re from Tennessee?
And I know that because
You’re the only ten I see!”

SINCE THE FINANCIAL CRASH

Since the financial crash, strict conditions
Must be met before a mortgage is allowed
And some form of insurance is required
And men should be well endowed

I WOULD LIKE TO SHATTER A POPULAR MYTH

I would like to shatter a popular myth
If anyone out there actually cares
It’s in regard to steroids which
Don’t secure the carpet on the stairs

I WAS TOLD ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION WAS

I was told artificial insemination was
When the farmer gave Toro a bit of a pull
Before he does it to the cow instead
But I’m sure that that has to be bull

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF

Contrary to popular belief
In the USA it needs to be said
That a Turbine, is not
What an Arab wears on his head

TODAY’S PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALLERS

I think today’s professional footballers
Worry far too much about their hairstyle
And should pay as much attention to detail
On the training ground once in a while