LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 4
You've reached a milestone
A really significant age
You've joined the over 40's
You have turned a new page
So happy birthday darling
I hope you enjoy your surprise
Because now you’re forty
Your age matches your bust size
LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 5
You've reached the big four-0
You're getting old and so
It’s time for you to take it slow
It may not be what you wished
But make up for what you’ve missed
Grab a bottle and then get pissed
I WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE THIRTY
I would never have known you were thirty
You're not at all like a thirty year old
You are very youthful in many ways
But the giveaway, if I may be bold
Was not your youthful appearance at all
Your taste in music was your downfall
MILESTONE 60 # 6
Your body is showing signs of wear
But you're still young at heart
And you’re in good shape to be fair
It’s hard to tell that you’re an old fart
AGEING IS LIKE FINE WINE
Ageing is like fine wine
It gets better with age
But in your case
It was corked at some stage
A MAN WALKED INTO A CROWDED BAR
A man walked into a crowded bar
With a loaded gun and shouted
"Who’s been shagging my sister?”
In case his intent was doubted
He raised the gun and took aim
And fired the gun to demonstrate
A lone voice shouted from the back
"You don't have enough bullets mate"
DON’T SEE GROWING OLD AS A NEGATIVE
Don’t see growing old as a negative
Ageing is like fine wine so
It gets better with age,
But you’ve got some way to go
MY SON HAD A EUREKA MOMENT
My son had a eureka moment
And I was quite impressed
He discovered that the volume knob
Could also turn to the left
ARE YOU WEARING YOUR BEST SUIT?
Are you wearing your best suit?
Well I am surprised at it to be true
Because you’re now at an age when
Your back goes out more than you do.
GREY HAIR IS NOT A GLORIOUS CROWN
Grey hair is not a glorious crown
Worn by a righteous life
But an unwillingness to buy dye
On the part of my wife
MY WIFE ASKED IF HER APPENDIX SCAR
My wife asked if her appendix scar
Made her look unattractive, a bit
I was quick to dispel any misgivings
She might have in regard to it
And uttered the reassuring words
"Don’t worry love, your tits cover it"
MY WIFE WAS BEING A DRAMA QUEEN
My wife was being a drama queen and said
"I feel like jumping in front of a bus
And you don’t help” So I sent her a timetable
And God did she ever make a fuss
I DON’T DO BANANAS
I don’t do bananas and I don’t do dates
She announced to everyone
Which immediately begged the question
Then what do you do for fun?
SUAREZ IS TOTALLY SCREWED – BRAZIL 2014
Now the evidence is viewed
And the enquiry will conclude
That Suarez is totally screwed
But what I think is rude
Is that he plays with his food
ROSES ARE VIOLET
Roses are Violet
Violets are Lilac
Lilacs are Roses
And she wants then back
PICKUP # 10
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“I’m a Doctor, Dr Love
Would you like some medical fun?
There are 206 bones in the human body,
Do you want another one?”
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