A Little Bit Of Humour # 62

THE CANNIBAL OF AJAX – BRAZIL 2014

Whether you call him Lucho
Or El Pistolero
Or the cannibal of Ajax
Or even El Conejo
Suarez needs to understand
Biting people is a no no

ROSE HIT VIOLET

Rose hit Violet
Right in the kisser
He has a big mouth
So Rose couldn’t miss her

A MAN WAS TALKING TO AN ACQUAINTANCE

A man was talking to an acquaintance
About the level of maintenance
Required on the average dwelling
Guttering, painting and gardening
The list was endless on their houses
And they admired the work of their spouses

MY HUSBAND HAS LOST THE PLOT

My husband has lost the plot
It’s the worst he’s been so far
He tried to change the TV
Channel with a chocolate bar

PLAYING "COLONEL BOGEY"

Playing "colonel bogey"
I hear the chimes call
Come get an ice cream
Come one and come all
Nothing says it quite like
"Hitler has only got one ball".

MULTITASKING MRS

If women are so good at Multitasking
And men’s failure to is such a crime
Why can’t my wife answer a question?
And watch Corrie at the same time

MY WIFE CAN MULTITASK

My wife can multitask
And here’s the reason and rhyme
She can only multitask
If she does one job at a time

ONE OF THE TEAMS AT THE OLYMPICS

One of the teams at the Olympics
Made a clean sweep good and proper
Taking the Gold, Silver and bronze
As well as all the lead and copper

DID YOU JUST FALL FROM HEAVEN?

“Did you just fall from heaven?”
He asked flattering her just a bit
Yes she replied “I fell from heaven
Then I landed on another soft shit?”

ARE YOU WEARING A MOOB TUBE?

Are you wearing a moob tube?
Well I can’t think what else it could be
Why would you be wearing a life belt?
When we’re seventy miles from the sea

ONLY LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE

Only lie about your age,
In the event of an emergency
For example when you are asked
How old you are sweetie

AT MY ADVANCED AGE

At my advanced age
I've seen it all
I've heard it all
And I’ve done it all
The only problem is
I can remember bugger all

INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON

Someone said to me that
Inside every older person
There is a young person.
But isn’t that cannibalism?

ARE YOU WEARING A SHROUD?

Are you wearing a shroud?
Well I think you should be
Because I think you look like
Death warmed up to me

THERE ARE ONLY TWO OPTIONS

There are only two options
In my personal view
So what do you want to do?
You can either continue
To get older or you can die
So stop feeling sorry for yourself
And enjoy your birthday do

PICKUP # 11

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“I’m a Doctor, Dr Love
And you know how they say
The skin is the largest organ?
Not in my case, by a long way”