A Little Bit Of Humour # 58

ENGLAND INEPT IN BRAZIL 2014

There has only been one thing
More inept than England and it
Is Alan Shearer’s pompously
Hapless performance as a pundit

ROSES ARE RED

Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Show us your tatt
I bet it’s a beauty.

ONE POTATO TWO POTATO

Roast potato
New potato
Boiled potato
Sure
Mashed potato
Waffled potato
Baked potato
More
Wedges with dips
Hash browns and Chips
You should eat your fill
Of the Dublin mixed grill

THE EVOLUTION OF MAN

From good boy
To a nice kid
A promising start
Then from a great guy
To a fine man
And finally an old fart

YOU ARE PASSED YOUR PRIME

You're not really old, though
You are passed your prime
But you’ve not been young
For a very, very long time

WITH OLD AGE COMES WISDOM

With old age comes wisdom
Which is enlightening
And we learn to avoid
Things that maybe frightening
Like choosing candlelight
Instead of fluorescent lighting

DON’T PLAY SECOND FIDDLE

Don’t play second fiddle
Don’t be a mistress, be a wife
You must always be
The leading lady in your own life

UNDER ANY CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCE

Under any conceivable circumstance
I wouldn’t hesitate to admit
I would much rather be over the hill
Than find myself under it

MY GRANDDAD WAS WONDERFUL

My Granddad was wonderful
He always smiled and never frowned
He’d always have a treat for me
He was Father Christmas all year round

OLD GEEZER FOR SALE

50 year old,
Needs TLC, well used
One previous owner
No reasonable offer refused

I DOUBT IT BUT IF IT’S ACTUALLY TRUE

I doubt it but if it’s actually true,
And it’s not an exaggeration,
And things do get better with age
Then I must have reached perfection

IN THE NINETIES WE ALL LOVED TO DANCE

In the nineties we all loved to dance along to
Billy Ray Cyrus and his “Achy Breaky Heart”
Now I’m approaching my seventies I've got
Achy, breaky everything and I’m falling apart

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 3

You’re forty years old
Which is when, they say
Life begins for you
On that most special day
But if you drink too much
You will certainly pay
Because now you’re old
You’ll be hungover all day

THE YOUNG BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

The young beautiful people
Think they are acts of nature,
But the beautiful old people
Know they’re works of art for sure

MILESTONE 60 # 4

I don’t want you to think that today
I think of you as a little older
I wouldn’t think that on your birthday
Actually I think of you as a lot older