A Humourous Selection # 20

CALL CENTER MODE EVEN MORE

One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her

"Hello how can I help you?"
Said the tech support guy
“I’m trying to write my first email”
Was Bimbettes reply

“Ok?” Said the tech support guy
“Well, I have the 'a' in the address ok
But I can’t get the circle around it
And I’ve been trying all day”

WHEN YOU’VE FOUND YOUR PERFECT OTHER

When you’ve found your perfect other
Don’t allow yourself to be hesitative
And don’t judge the woman you love
By the disposition of her relatives

WHEN YOU ARE DROWNING

When you are drowning
In a sea of despair
Swamped by poverty
Weighted down by apathy
No one is going to pull you out
Unless you reach up a hand

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT DOUBT

She is beautiful without doubt
But the one thing I cannot tell
Is whether she has more sense
Than just her sense of smell

COME AND FEEL SOMETHING SURPRISING

Come and feel something surprising
Its throbbing fit to burst
Well I did mean feel my pulse
But we can certainly start there first

YOU’RE NO LONGER ABLE TO BRAG

You’re no longer able to brag
About being a lean piece of scrag
Now your looks have started to flag
And your bits have started to sag
Now your arse has started to drag
You’ve turned into an old bag

GIVE ME A RIGOROUS EXAM

Give me a rigorous exam
Oh won’t you please nurse Pam
You can be a rough Madam
Poke me and prod me, then wham
You can take me as I am
Or you can cover me in jam
I don’t give a damn
As long as I get nurse Pam

I WAS DRIVING ALONG THE DUAL CARRIAGEWAY

I was driving along the dual carriageway
When my boss phoned me
And told me I was being promoted
It came out of the blue and surprised me
It came as such a shock
That I swerved the car quite violently

A little further along the dual carriageway
And my boss phoned me again
And told me along with the promotion
Came a very nice financial gain
It came as such a shock
That I swerved the car violently again

A little further along the dual carriageway
And my boss phoned to tell me
And told me along with the promotion
Came the executive washroom key
It came as such a shock
That I again swerved the car violently

My boss phoned further down the carriageway
And I answered in hands free mode
And told me along with the promotion
I was to receive the penthouse code
It came as such a shock
I swerved and careered off the road

DRUNK DRIVING

He was driving home,
Shit faced drunk
Pissed as a cricket
Drunk as a skunk

Suddenly he swerved
To avoid a tree,
Then another, then another.
Then another tree

The police stopped him
For driving erratically
“Having a little trouble”?
The cop asked sarcastically

The drunk told the cop
About the trees everywhere
The cop just pointed
To the air freshener hanging there

LAZARUS PILL # 2

I have pills to slow me down
And more to perk me up
I have one that helps me sleep
And one that helps me tup