A Humourous Selection # 19

CUPID’S LAST HURRAH

I’m waiting for cupid’s last hurrah
To feel once more his arrowed sting
One last lighting bolt
From the heavens
Signalling one last chance of true love
A final breath of wind
Blown onto passions dying embers

TEMPERAMENTAL

Your temperament is no cause for alarm
At the end of the day no foul no harm
Being a crabby bitch is just part of your charm

LESBIAN CARPENTER

My sister has an unusual trade,
She is a lesbian carpenter
There are certain criteria
Which really seem to suit her
No male / female joining
No screwing required
No nuts or penetrative bolts
Only tongue and groove is desired

SHOT WITH A STARTING PISTOL

A man living in Bristol
Has been shot with a starting pistol;
The police have now stated
That it's definitely race related.

DO YOU NEED A BAG

A man said to the chemist
"Give me three packets of condoms miss."
She replied, "Do you need a bag, sir?"
He said, “No she’s quite a looker”

FISHY BLONDE

Bimbette took her goldfish to the vet
"I think it's got epilepsy" Bimbette said.
The Vet took a good long look
Then stood scratching his head

"It seems calm enough to me".
Said the puzzled vet,
Bimbette replied
"I haven't taken it out of the water yet".

BLONDE POST

The letterbox rattled
As the post came through the door
One after another
They landed on the floor

The top most envelope
Was from Bimbette’s friend
But emblazoned on it
Were the words "DO NOT BEND"

Bimbette pondered for some time
About that piece of post
How was she to pick it up?
Puzzled her most

BIMBETTES LOST DOG

Bimbette lost her dog
And she was distraught
Peaches, to cheer her up
Said I think you ought
To advertise in the paper
Just give it a whirl
So she wrote the ad
“Come here girl”

SLEEPLESS NIGHT

I lay in bed quite restless
In a measure of distress
Uncomfortable in my nightdress
And I started to obsess

Why was the sun an absentee?
Then quite suddenly
At half past three
It dawned on me

ALPINE QUERY

“Dad, Dad where are the Alps”?
“I’m sorry son I cannot say
Ask your mother she’s the one
Who tidies all the stuff away”?