A Humourous Selection # 16

FEMININE CONUNDRUM # 2

How is it that women can go through childbirth?
With all its inherent agony
Yet manage to scare themselves to death
At the sight of a dust bunny

REFRESHING SUPPORT

My wife left the house last week
For a pint of milk and never came back
Everyone keeps asking how I’m coping
But I used the powdered or had it black

CRASH PROCEDURE

As the 747 was falling
Uncontrollably from the sky
A female passenger ripped off her clothes
And began to cry
“Can someone make me feel like a real woman?
Before I die”?
A man stood up and took off his shirt
“Here iron this,” said the guy

I’M A FREE AGENT ONCE AGAIN

I’m a free agent once again
Since I broke up with my optician girlfriend
She was very nice but to be honest
It was our sex life in the end
That broke up our bliss
She kept saying “is it better like this or this”?

BLONDE BIRD

Peaches suddenly said
“Look at the dead bird there”
Bimbette at once looked up
And said “where”?

BLONDE NITWIT

A traffic cop saw Bimbette knitting while driving
And couldn’t believe his eyes at all
He angrily shouted at her “Pull over, pull over”
She shouted back “no, it’s a shawl”

CALL CENTER MODE AGAIN

One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her

"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"

“Ok” said the tech support guy
“What's on your monitor now, miss?
“An elephant my boyfriend bought me
And a kangaroo called Kriss”

MODERN AUTOMOTIVE ENGINEERING

Conceived by savants
Designed by computers
Precision Built by robots
And driven by commuters

FLIRT IN A SKIRT

Everything limber
Everything pert
The quivering flesh
In a well filled shirt
The flattering flutter
Of a pleated skirt
The coquettish look
Of an obvious flirt

OUT OF MY LEAGUE # 1

Long slender legs
That caught the eye
Atop a stockined limb
A glimpse of thigh
A hint of lace
As she passes by
And a look that says
“Don’t even try”