CHRISTMAS IS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

Christmas is for friends and family,

But by no means exclusively

After all the Three Wise Men

Were strangers in Bethlehem

WE BROKE UP LAST CHRISTMAS

We broke up last Christmas

A hasty knee jerk reaction

To a silly misunderstanding

Which I regretted so much

And I was still hoping

For some kind of miracle

That we might make amends

When we met by chance

And there was a spark

I was looking closely

For some kind of sign

That we might go back

To how things were

But it was soon apparent

That it was too late now

To salvage our relationship

That was born and died

At Christmas time

THOUGHTS OF YOU POP INTO MY HEAD

 

You’re just a name in an address book

But thoughts of you pop into my head

Some distant half-forgotten memories

Of when we shared a home and a bed,

In quiet moments I wish us back there

Where I had a special place in your heart

But it would take a Christmas miracle

For us to go back in time to the start

It was a very special Christmas love, but

Too much time has passed since then

And it’s too late now to have regrets

For love that died by the seasons end

WORLD RECORD MEMBERSHIP

 

I’m not bragging

When I say this

But my Penis was once

In the Guinness Book

Of World Records

It’s true, no word of a lie

But then the Librarian

Told me to take it out

LOST IN TRANSLATION APPARENTLY

 

Contrary to a belief

I’ve held for a while

Nuance isn’t actually

French for paedophile

CANCER CARE

 

Not wishing for a moment

To add insult onto injury

But Cancer Care has now

Become a growth industry

ITS TIME TO HAUL OUT THE HOLLY

 

Let’s haul out the holly

And I’ll make you blush

If you would just let me

Trim your Christmas bush