21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 151

Cry Baby Bunting
Daddy's gone a-hunting
Well that’s not really true
He’s gone to Tesco’s with my sister Su

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 152

Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep
And doesn’t know where to find them
Silly cow

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 153

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey..
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And said, "is that stuff pro-biotic?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 154

I love sixpence, jolly, jolly, sixpence,
I love sixpence as my life.
Well I don’t actually because it’s only worth 2 ½ p
And what can you buy with that?

PUT DOWN'S

PUT DOWN # 37

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
“What would it take” he might say
“For you to go out with me?”
Just reply to him
“Me to lower my standards dramatically”

PUT DOWN # 38

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
“What would it take” he might say
“For you to go out with me?”
Just reply “a few years off your age,
I would suggest twenty”

PUT DOWN # 39

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
“What would I have to do” he may ask
“For you to go out with me?”
Just reply to him
“Shed 60 pounds really”

WOUNDED HEART

It was love at first sight
It’s crazy but it’s true
You are the one
So I set my cap at you

But for a reason I couldn’t tell
You withdrew inside your shell

Getting close to you
Is like stalking a deer
You run away
If I get too near

Who has hurt you so much?
That you flinch at my touch

I try to get closer
I see a chink of light
Then you slam the door
And take flight

Who has caused you such harm?
That you draw back in alarm

Let me unlock your heart
With my loving key
I will protect you
Let me close and you will see

I am not the man who harmed you
The love I feel for you is true

When I get too close
You turn away
You run for you life
But I’ll try another day

Please don’t lock yourself away
I will keep the hurt at bay

Don’t let him win
Don’t be beaten by the fear
Don’t run away to safety
Like a startled deer

Let me help you to love again
Let me show you love without pain

I will be patient in my love
I will wait if that’s alright
And give you time to heal
Then bring out into the light

SERENDIPITY IN ALL ITS SPLENDOUR

She walked towards me
And my eyes were drawn
To her unfettered breasts,
Which danced erotically
Inside her white blouse.
She saw me staring
But my gaze was transfixed
As she passed me
She glanced in my direction
A glance conveying utter disgust
Then she threw her head back
Rather theatrically
And headed for the street door
I turned to watch her leave
Enjoying her buttocks
Doing a very dirty rumba
She stopped at the door
Then gave me another look
Again heavily laced with disgust
Just at that moment
The sun suddenly appeared
From behind a cloud
Which illuminated the girl
Dramatically from behind
This serendipitous event
Rendered her blouse transparent
And her perky breasts
Were revealed in all their splendour
Unaware of her circumstance
She made a questioning head movement
Which seemed to ask
“Have you seen enough?”
I nodded and said allowed
“I have now thank you”

GIRLS

MONDAY’S GIRL

Monday’s girl
Blessed with beauty’s kiss
So fair of face
Do swains’ heartbeats miss?
As suitors court
For her hand in wedded bliss

TUESDAY’S GIRL

Tuesday’s girl
Gracefully elegant
Slender and lithe
In form and movement
Struts the catwalk
For an outrageous payment

WEDNESDAY’S GIRL

Wednesday’s girl
So full of woe
How does fickle love
Mistreat you so

Sad Wednesday girl
Left with red eyes
By unfaithful love
For whom she cries

Oh Wednesday girl
Weeping for her lover
Don’t waste your tears
You will find another

THURSDAY’S GIRL

Thursday’s girl
Ticket in hand
Adventurous travel
Has been planned
For her sojourn
To a foreign land

FRIDAY’S GIRL

Friday’s girl
For loving you yearn
But you are too giving
When will you learn?

SATURDAY’S GIRL

Saturday’s girl
Thinks only of work
No time to live
No appetite to shirk

Work is her life
Her own personal heaven
Seven days a week
Twenty four seven

But when she looks back
At the end of her days
Will she regret?
Her workaholic ways

SUNDAY’S GIRL

Sunday’s girl
So sweet and lovely
A blithe spirit
Light hearted and carefree

Sunday’s girl
Innocently happy
Virtuous and chaste
And perfectly pretty

WE HAVE NO WEALTH OR TREASURE

We have no wealth or treasure
Yet we are rich beyond measure
We have our health and welfare
And have loved ones who care
Our riches cannot be spent
Nor can their great value be lent
Against coin they cannot be compared
For our riches can easily be shared
Our riches are our family and friends
Whose infinite value knows no ends
We have no wealth or treasure
Yet we are rich beyond measure

THE TWELVE PEERS

The twelve peers
Champion’s of legend
Companions of Charlemagne
Frankish warrior heroes
The brave paladins
Slayers of the moor
Scourge of the Saracen hordes
Thorn in the Emir’s flesh
Legends of Christendom
Righting wrongs
With sword and lance
Fighting for the just
Soldiers of Christ
Soldiers of the light
Heroes of the empire