Elin’s phone hasn’t stopped
Since the tale hit the papers
Every golfer in the world
Wants to speak to her
To get some pointersOn how to beat Tiger
Thursday 17 December 2009
FEVERISH AGAIN AND AGAIN
That medical catastrophe
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
On closer examination
Were found to have been
Preceded by intoxication
This is a totally different strain
Of contagious flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed wine flu
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
On closer examination
Were found to have been
Preceded by intoxication
This is a totally different strain
Of contagious flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed wine flu
TIGER, TIGER – MUTUAL APPRECIATION CLUB
Tiger should now have
Sympathy for baby seals
With first hand knowledge
Of how they feel
As Tiger and the baby seal
Have in common
That they’ve both been clubbed
By a Scandinavian
Sympathy for baby seals
With first hand knowledge
Of how they feel
As Tiger and the baby seal
Have in common
That they’ve both been clubbed
By a Scandinavian
FEVERISH YET AGAIN
That medical catastrophe
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
Turned out to be MAN flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed whine flu
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
Turned out to be MAN flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed whine flu
TIGER, TIGER – THE TIGER
Tiger, Tiger, what a plight
Laying prone out like a light
What mortal hand blacked your eye?
And left you staring at the sky
What greater wounds would be
On your bruised and battered body
If your wife had on reflection
Thought carefully about her club selection
Laying prone out like a light
What mortal hand blacked your eye?
And left you staring at the sky
What greater wounds would be
On your bruised and battered body
If your wife had on reflection
Thought carefully about her club selection
WHAT A LOAD OF BANKERS
Bonuses are a reward for a job well done
In short they have to be earned
But you gave yourselves bonuses
While you were fucking up the world
You even gave yourselves bonuses
When we all knew you’d fucked up the world
And you gave yourselves bonuses
While we bailed you out from your fuck ups
And now you are rewarding yourselves again
But not for a job well done
Now you’re giving yourselves bonuses
Simply for not fucking up
In short they have to be earned
But you gave yourselves bonuses
While you were fucking up the world
You even gave yourselves bonuses
When we all knew you’d fucked up the world
And you gave yourselves bonuses
While we bailed you out from your fuck ups
And now you are rewarding yourselves again
But not for a job well done
Now you’re giving yourselves bonuses
Simply for not fucking up
BRITISH AIRWAYS AND THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the first day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
An apology from Willie
On the second day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the third day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the fourth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the fifth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the sixth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the seventh day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the eighth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the ninth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the tenth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the eleventh day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Eleven false alarms
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the twelfth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Twelve days of hell
Eleven false alarms
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
An apology from Willie
On the second day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the third day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the fourth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the fifth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the sixth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the seventh day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the eighth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the ninth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the tenth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the eleventh day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Eleven false alarms
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
On the twelfth day of Christmas dear BA gave to us
Twelve days of hell
Eleven false alarms
Ten more cancellation
Nine empty gestures
Eight curt responses
Seven check in closures
Six insincere placations
Five text alerts
Four court injunction
Three defiant statements
A two fingers sign
And an apology from Willie
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