ARE YOU WEARING A MANKINI?

 

Are you wearing a mankini?

Well the coverage is teeny

And you’re as fat as Mussolini

And I can see you’re weeny

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 3

 

I’m something of a joker

And follow the comedy craft

I even have a Mule joke

But to be fare it’s half assed

DIFFERENCES # 3

 

The difference between Santa Claus

And a serial philanderer, as it goes

Is in essence a total lack of self-control

Because Santa stopped at three ho’s

HUMEROUS HAIKU # 3

 

My friend says to me:

"What rhymes with orange?" I said:

"Oh no it doesn't!"

MY MOTHER MADE US EAT

 

My mother made us eat

Supplements every day

One time I nearly choked

On the Mail on Sunday

A SEPTUAGENARIAN PIRATE CAPTAIN

 

A septuagenarian Pirate Captain

Sailed the warm waters off Haiti

And on his eightieth birthday

He said to his crew, "Aye matey"

OBJECTIFYING

 

Oh look

A glimpse of thigh

As her legs cross

Vary titillating

But the young girls

Hipster clad

Showing thongs

Fail to titillate.

However, the young woman

In the lemon dress

Illuminated in that shaft

Of golden sunlight

Does excite the senses

Now a well-endowed lass

On an adjacent table

Leans forward suddenly

And her breasts

Rearrange themselves

Delightfully before my eyes

I know I’m objectifying

But I feel no shame

As I sit and view

A curvaceous beauty,

A shapely leg,

Or well-sculptured ankle,

Pert well-formed buttocks,

Or plump or perky breasts

However, I dislike

Tarty or vampy

So, no bare midriffs

Or obscenely short skirts

Less is more in my opinion

So, objectifying or not

I feel no shame

For lecherous viewing

Where’s the sin

In looking

They are God’s creation

When all said and done

Well packaged morsels

Of his finest work

So why would he

Give us such delicacies

If he intended us not to look

So, where’s the sin

In objectifying such delights

Even if I am the Vicar