MY LOVE LIFE AT HOME IS VERY APT

 

My love life at home is very apt

Considering the Ice Dancer I am

As we begin with the compulsories

Followed by the short program

THERE ARE THREE TYPES OF DRIVER

 

There are three types of driver on our roads

Those who think other road users drive too fast

Those who think others drive too slow, and

And group three are the one they’re referring to

MY BROTHER JOHNNY IS GAY

 

My brother Johnny is gay

Of that there is no doubt

Regrettably he’s in the closet

And isn’t going to come out

But he’s not just in the closet

Johnny is way back in there

In fact he’s so far back

He’s practically in Narnia

I HAVE DISCOVERED AN ELEMENTAL FORCE

 

I have discovered an elemental force

Invisible to us all, it works like radar

That alerts every flying creature

When I have finished washing my car

AN ELEGANT HARPIST

 

There was an elegant girl playing a harp

And the ambiance couldn’t have been nicer

It was culturally pretentious though, paying

A posh bird to play an oversized cheese slicer

ALTHOUGH MY WIFE AND I ARE AGING

 

Although my wife and I are aging

We still enjoy ourselves in bed

It’s not a hot and sweaty pleasure

Because now we read instead

ALL THE WORLD IS A STAGE

 

If it really is true what they say

That all the world is a stage,

And all the men and women

Are merely players on that stage?

Where do all the audiences come from?

To hear the words from the page