MY BROTHER IS SO PESSIMISTIC

 

My brother is so pessimistic,

No matter what his circumstances

If there was a pessimism Olympics

He wouldn't fancy his chances

WHEN THE UMBRELLA

 

When the umbrella

Was first invented

It was to be called a Brella

But the man hesitated

GREAT BRITAIN WERE INVITED

 

Great Britain were invited

To the Belgium town of Mons

For the sun tanning Olympics

And the whole team got Bronze

PORNOGRAPHY IS OFTEN FROWNED UPON

 

Pornography is often frowned upon,

And viewed as degenerating

I frown when I’m watching it

But that's because I'm concentrating

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS

 

I've been married for 10 years,

And mostly it’s been heaven

It’s not all plain sailing as I

Haven’t made a decision for seven

ARE YOU WEARING A ROSEBUD?

 

Are you wearing a rosebud?

All delicate and pink

You’re allergic to flowers?

In which case I think

A wardrobe malfunction.

Has revealed something pink

BUTTERFLIES ONLY LIVE FOR ONE DAY

 

Butterflies only live for one day

My wife told me with surprise

I said it was a myth, but she said

“No, it’s definitely a butterfly”