72 Miles From The Sea

Wednesday, 1 March 2023

I have given up sex for Lent

Which is to some small extent

An empty gesture on my part

As I had to as I have a bad heart

I went into hospital for minor surgery

And was fearful the procedure would be a botch

And as I was coming around I heard someone say

“Did anyone see what I did with my watch?”

I upset my English teacher

So, I tried to comfort her

And said There, Their, They’re

I asked “When did you last have sex?”

My uncle replied “1956”

“That long ago” I exclaimed “Wow”

And he said “it’s only 20.35 now

Last year I went on holiday to Australia

And was asked by an immigration bore

“Do you have any criminal convictions?”

I said “I didn’t think I needed one anymore”

What do you call a sheep tied up

To a lamppost with a piece of string

Well it depends where you are

But some would see it as a sure thing

The Italian chicken crossed the road

Because he wouldn’t fight side by side

So that was the reason he crossed the road

In order to surrender to the other side