I HATE PEOPLE WHO USE BIG WORDS

 

I hate people who use big words

I think it’s pretentious

And they only do it to make

Themselves look perspicacious

MANY MODERN HOMES NOW

 

Many modern homes now

Have a panic room in it

But to my two daughters

And my dear wife Brigit

Any room is a panic room

When they’ve lost a phone in it

ONE OF LIFE’S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

 

One of life’s universal truths

Is not really much of a surprise

But behind every great man

There’s a woman rolling her eyes

THE WAITRESS ASKED “DO YOU HAVE

 

The waitress asked “Do you have

Any questions about the menu?”

My brother-in-law replied

“Is this font courier new?”

THERE IS A SIMPLE TRUTH IN LIFE

 

There is a simple truth in life

And it’s an honest admission

It is much easier to apologize

Than it is to ask permission

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 354

Bye, baby Bunting,

Daddy’s gone a-hunting,

Well, he’s gone to the meat counter

At the local Sainsbury’s

BURNS NIGHT SUPPER

 

With Haggis, Tatties and Nips

The Scots celebrate Burns night

They pipe it in with Bagpipes

And that’s really not right

What the hell is wrong with them

I thought they actually liked him