ARE YOU WEARING ANY?

 

Are you wearing any?

Beneath your tartan gear

Because if your kilt flares up

There will be a raucous cheer

ON BURNS NIGHT

 

On Burns Night

One thing you must do

Is to eat the Haggis

Before it eats you

THE HAGGIS

 

Haggis is made from sheep's offal

Oatmeal, suet, seasoning and onions

Stuffed inside of a sheep stomach

Which has to be one of Heston’s creations

THE REASON THEY PIPE IN THE HAGGIS

 

The reason they pipe in the haggis

Without any fluster or hurry

Is to warn the discerning diner

So they can go and get a curry

HERALDING ITS ARRIVAL

 

Heralding its arrival

A lone piper suitably bedecked

Leads the procession

To the hosts table unchecked

It’s delivered to the supper

With such deferential respect

Then addressed and served

Not to eat it shows disrespect

Well if I’ve eaten anything fouler

Then I truly cannot recollect

THERE IS KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO KNOW # 12

 

There is knowledge I need to know

And I really need to know it soon

Such as how the pipers can tell

When their bagpipes are out of tune

BURNS NIGHT SUPPER

 

With Haggis, Tatties and Nips

The Scots celebrate Burns night

They pipe it in with Bagpipes

And that’s really not right

What the hell is wrong with them

I thought they actually liked him