WHY DID THE ADULTERER CROSS THE ROAD?

 

Why did the adulterer cross the road?

Well not just to get to the other side

The reason he wanted to cross over

Was so he could get to another man’s bride

ARE YOU WEARING SEVEN INCH HEELS?

 

Are you wearing seven-inch heels?

As you’re tottering down the street

But don’t you feel silly standing

Six foot two in your stocking feet

A DOCTOR POINTED OUT

 

A Doctor pointed out a piece of lettuce

That protruded from the patient’s ear

And added that it might be serious

As it could be the tip of the iceberg

BREAK A LEG

 

Telling actors to “Break a leg”

Is a tradition from long past

And the reason for it is this

Actors like to be in a good cast

WEEDS AND FLOWERS

 

The difference between

Weeds and flowers

Is without a doubt

That the garden weeds

Are the most difficult

By far to pull out

VICTORIA WOOD 1953-2016

 

I’ve always thought

The word overused

But Victoria Wood

Really was a genius.

But there is darkness

Where once a light shone

The bright light

Of an enduring star

Which is now extinguished.

But not in our hearts

For there she burns still

As her laughter always will

VICTORIA WOOD A TRUE TALENT

 

If I have to pick just one Gem

From her creative canon

Then “The Ballad of Barry and Freda”

Would have to be the one

The pace and delivery of wit

Hits you like a comic volley

Like “Bend me over backwards

On me Hostess trolley”

Great Humour filled lines

Delivered oh so sleekly

Like “Beat me on the bottom

With a Woman’s weekly”

Or “Come and melt the buttons

On me flameproof nightie”

I can picture her singing it

To St P and God almighty