FOR THE BARGAIN PRICE OF A FIRST CLASS STAMP

 

For the bargain price of a first-class stamp

You can trust a letter to the post master.

But it won’t be delivered the next day

And second class won’t arrive the day after

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 351

 

One, two, buckle my shoe

Three, four, open the door

Five, six, cocktail sticks

Seven, eight, in a bit of a state

Nine, ten, pissed again

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 5

 

We requested a twin bed room

But we ended up with a king size

As a result, my wife is pregnant

So that was a nice holiday surprise

WHY DID THE BACHELOR CROSS THE ROAD?

 

Why did the bachelor cross the road?

Well not just to get to the other side

The reason he wanted to cross over

Was so he could avoid finding a bride

ARE YOU WEARING A CHAPEAU?

 

Are you wearing a chapeau?

That’s the French for hat you know?

Well, you look quite sweet I must say

Though I’m not a huge fan of the beret

And the rather limp looking overcoat

It isn’t really what you’d call haute

But I need to find a condom dispenser

Because I have a thing for Frank Spencer

A ROYAL WARRANT

 

In order for a Baker to get

A Royal warrant, it is said

They need to be like many

Royals and be inter-bred

THE BORDER AGENCY ARE STRUGGLING

 

The border agency are struggling

To prevent mosquitos from getting in

They’re very cunning creatures

Who all claim to be Asylum Zika’s