ONCE I FOUND OUT THAT MASTURBATING

 

Once I found out that masturbating

Was an addictive habit

I knew from that very moment on

That I just had to beat it

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

 

I always wear a seat belt

Even though they do constrict

But I couldn't work out how

To do it up and then it clicked

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

 

I can’t play my instrument

We were mismatched

So, I am selling my guitar

No strings attached

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

 

I went away to a third world country in secret

Because I knew the British doctors would scoff

So, I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision

But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

I LOVE THE HUMAN BODY

I love the human body though some

Bits more than others I must confess

And I thank God for nipples, as without

Them breasts would be pointless

I COULDN’T QUITE REMEMBER HOW

 

I couldn’t quite remember how

To throw a boomerang now

But then eventually

It came back to me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 282

 

Four and Twenty tailors

Went to kill a snail;

But natural England

Had them sent to jail