ARE YOU WEARING THAT?

 

Are you wearing that?

That’s what you’re wearing?

Seriously? It’s a little brief

Oh, it’s certainly daring

Will it turn any heads?

Oh yes, you’ll have them staring

And if that’s all you wear

Everything will get an airing

ARE YOU WEARING GOBLIN EARS?

 

Are you wearing Goblin Ears?

As someone’s Halloween treat

I would just ask you one thing

Do you also have hairy feet?

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 2

 

If your blind date is described to you

As an “Adventurer” then it depends

But it’s probably worse than it sounds

And they’ll have sex with all your friends

WE HAVE LIVED OUR LIVES TOGETHER

 

We have lived our lives together

And we have reached our Novembers

The once burning fires of our lives

Have been reduced to meagre embers

And yet we can still look forward

To us both sharing our Decembers 

FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE POETRY

 

Falling in love is like poetry

But when she no longer calls

Don’t start writing her number

On every single toilet wall

I’VE BEEN DOING A SELF-HELP COURSE

 

I’ve been doing a self-help course

But it hasn’t helped a bit

I’ve attended all the classes

And read the literature, which is shit

I can’t build myself a mountain

Or catch rainbows and such,

I’m better off at home watching telly

And it doesn’t cost so much

IF LIFE IS GETTING YOU DOWN

 

If life is getting you down

And depressing you increasingly

Take all of your troubles 

And toss them into the sea,

You don’t have to do it for real

Just do it metaphorically

But a trip to the beach

Will help you miraculously