SINCE YOU WALKED OUT ON ME

 

Since you walked out on me

As an act of defiance

Each morning I sit and eat

Breakfast in my pants

But I have discovered

Its little consolation

And I actually miss

Your personal hygiene rants

I MISS YOU ALL THE TIME

 

I miss you all the time

You were my shining sun

And there is an emptiness

But when all said and done

There’s nothing lonelier

Than dinner for one

DOLPHINS SUFFER FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

 

Dolphins suffer from Erectile Dysfunction

And their sex life has come a cropper

Not much is known about their condition

But they’ve gone from Flipper to Flopper

SNAGS IS AN ACRONYM

 

SNAGS is an acronym

For “Sensitive New Age Guy’s”

But don’t all men come with snags?

Just like turds come with flies 

I REMEMBER WELL THAT FATEFUL DAY

 

I remember well that fateful day

When I read of the evils of drinking

And so shocked was I that I decided

On that very spot to give up reading

THE GIRL IN THE PEONY RED

 

I noticed her immediately

As I entered the bar

The girl in the Peony red

And playing about her lips

There was an acquiescent smile

Which was aimed my way

But I didn’t return it

And let it pass me by

She wasn’t my type after all

I’m quite fussy that way

But I did cast a glance

In the general direction

Of the eager entourage of  

Drooling men surrounding her

Feeding off her raw sexuality

And as I watched the mermaid

Surrounded by a pack of sharks

I realized that I had misread

The smile she sent my way

It wasn’t my company she sought

But my help she desired

She looked like a movie starlet

Cornered by the paparazzi

So, I rescued the damsel

And since that day

We have been best friends

IT’S BEEN TWENTY FIVE YEARS

 

It’s been twenty-five years

Since the day she said “I do”

Almost as long as when

I said to her “you’re not, are you?”