OLD

 

Old man’s withered fingers,

On a gnarled arthritic hand,

Grip the knotted handle

Of his twisted wooden cane

And in his leathered face

Is etched deep the pain

Of a life lived long

And his aged countenance

Each wrinkle tells the tale

I AM BY NO MEANS PERFECT, BUT

 

I am by no means perfect, but my wife

Has a particularly dirty habit

Which she won’t like me mentioning

As it involves a rampant rabbit

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR GOLDEN DELICIOUS

You can keep your Golden Delicious

I don’t want to eat them anymore

I want a flavour that isn’t fleeting

So, a Cox’s apple is quality to the core 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 259

 

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

Guard the bed that I lie on:

Four corners to my bed

Four angels round my head,

One to watch and one to pray

And two to bear my soul away

This is comforting you may say

But look at it another way

With angels round my bed

And lustful thoughts in my head

I can’t seem to find a way

That I can get my end away

ARE YOU WEARING A NIGHTGOWN?

 

Are you wearing a nightgown?

A subtle shade of light brown

You look sad in your nightgown

You even have a slight frown

Let me grab your nightgown

A subtle shade of light brown

And pull it quickly right down

And I’ll remove that slight frown

ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN TIE?

 

Are you wearing a Halloween tie?

If that’s what it’s supposed to be

Well, what is it if it’s not a tie?

Oh god it’s alive and wriggly

PARLIAMENT ENACT THE LAWS

 

Parliament enacts the Laws

To legislate our behaviour

Police officers patrol the streets

To enforce the law

Then the court system shows us

The error of our ways

Well, that’s the theory anyway

Politicians call the tunes

And the police cherry pick

The laws that they enforce

And the crown prosecution service

Take only the cases they can win

Or that make them look good

And all three elements

Play to the media