ON THE QUESTION OF SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE

 

On the question of Scottish independence

They’ve worded it the wrong way

Don’t ask the Scots if they want to go

Ask the English if we want them to stay

I SOLD THE VACUUM CLEANER

 

I sold the vacuum cleaner

I wasn’t really fussed

After all, at the end of the day

It was just collecting dust

MY UNCLE COLLECTS WILD ANIMALS

 

My uncle collects wild animals

He’s the strangest bloke I’ve met

I offered him a really fat badger

He said no “as it didn’t fit in his set”

I SCOURED THE LATEST GLOSSY MAGS

 

I scoured the latest glossy mags

In search of some fashion-ism

To give some indication as to what

One wears for casual racism

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 243

 

The Barber shaved the Mason,

And then at the close

The barber did propose

Something for the weekend sir?

ARE YOU WEARING LIP-GLOSS?

 

Are you wearing lip-gloss?

No, you’re not, you cow

You were when you went out

So, who’s wearing it now?

GOOD BYE SCOTLAND GOODBYE

 

Goodbye Scotland goodbye

Good bye Scotland don't cry

That little Nationalist train

that makes me

Quite happy, no words can tell how glad it makes me

Go now Scotland and then,

We’ll wave goodbye once again.

Hear us all cheer

Without a tear

And if it all goes wrong don’t come back in a year

Goodbye Scotland goodbye.

Good bye Scotland don't cry.

Sung to the tune of Toot Toot Tootsie