ARE YOU WEARING A CONDOM?

 

Are you wearing a condom?

At your age you really have no hope

Sex at ninety-six will be like

Trying to shoot pool with a rope

I LOVE YOU BY ANY MEASURE # 9

 

I love you by any measure

You might wish to use

But I don’t know how to express

The way I feel about you

And the affect you have on me

So, I hope this gives you a clue

Without you in it, my world

Is monochrome

But your love colors it

With every conceivable tone

WELL YOU’VE REACHED AN AGE

 

Well, you’ve reached an age

So have a happy birthday

So now really spoil yourself

And take two naps today

THINK ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING

Think about global warming

When you look at your cake

Lighting all those candles

Would be a very big mistake

IT'S NATURAL TO BECOME QUIETER AS WE AGE

It's natural to become quieter as we age

It’s just another old age sin

It’s not easy to talk at the same time

As holding your stomach in 

BIRTHDAY TELEGRAM

Bad news, Her Majesty isn't sending you

A telegram this year, but don’t despair

There is nothing to be concerned about

She's happy to know you're halfway there

IN THE NINETIES WE ALL LOVED TO DANCE

 

In the nineties we all loved to dance along to

Billy Ray Cyrus and his “Achy Breaky Heart”

Now I’m approaching my seventies I've got

Achy, breaky everything and I’m falling apart