SUPERSEX

 

“Supersex” the old lady said

To the seniors group

And in reply they chorused

"We'll take the soup"

IF I’VE LEARNED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE

 

If I’ve learned anything in my life

It is that you should take a chance

And nobody cares if you can't dance well

Just get on the floor and dance

THE UPSIDE OF BEING CLINICALLY OBESE

 

The upside of being clinically obese

To the point of being handicapped

Is that it makes it significantly more

Difficult to be forcibly kidnapped

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 211

 

There was a jolly miller once

Lived on the river Dee;

He worked and sang from morn till night,

And that was really annoying to me

ARE YOU WEARING SPECTACLES?

 

Are you wearing spectacles?

To make you look sophisticated

Well, I think your expectations

Have unfortunately been bated

You just look a little bookish

Sorry if that leaves you deflated

JUST A TANTALISING HINT OF THE EXOTIC

 

Just a tantalising hint of the exotic

Beneath the hem of your skirt

I’m interested in whatever it is

It’s quite driving me berserk

 

Can you give me the slightest hint?

Or be upfront I really don’t mind

I won’t be embarrassed at all

I love underwear of any kind

 

The garment into which you slipped

If it’s an under slip, something of that kind

If you were to slip yourself out of it

If you felt so inclined, I wouldn’t mind

PINEAPPLE DUFFER

 

When my Dad was just a boy

Pineapple slices came in a tin

And had he put it on his dinner

Bedlam would have taken him