YOU CAN STOP MILK TURNING SOUR

You can stop milk turning sour

And I can tell you how

There is one sure fire way

And that’s to keep it in the cow 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 196

 

Cuckoo, cuckoo, what do you do?

Not much at all really

I’m a bit of a parasite

I turn up when things are on the up

I let others raise my young

Then I go home when the food runs out

I’m the avian equivalent

Of an economic migrant

ARE YOU WEARING JODHPURS?

 

Are you wearing jodhpurs?

You have a fine seat you know

No, I’ve never seen you ride

But I do like your bum though

You are a handsome filly

Of good pedigree so Tally ho

And if you’re offering me a ride

I wouldn’t mind giving you a go

RED SKY AT NIGHT

 

Red sky at night;

Romantics delight,

When love can start

With an open heart

HMS BIRKENHEAD

 

HMS Birkenhead began life

As a steam frigate

One of the first iron-hulled vessels

Built for the Royal Navy

But she was quickly converted

And was commissioned as a troopship

It was as such on 26 February 1852

While transporting troops to Algoa Bay,

She was wrecked at Danger Point

Near to Gansbaai

100 miles from Cape Town,

With insufficient serviceable lifeboats

For all the passengers.

This gave rise to the most disciplined

Act of self-sacrifice ever witnessed

Described in verse by Rudyard Kipling

As the "Birkenhead drill"

Where the soldiers famously stood firm,

In serried ranks and allowed

The women and children

To safely board the boats

The courage and chivalry

Of the noble soldiers

In the face of certain death

Gave rise to the now accepted practice

When abandoning ship

Of “Women and children first”

And 550 men perished in the sea

AN OPTIMISTIC OPTICIAN

 

I go to an optimistic optician

When I need my biannual checks

The only downside is that he

Always sells me rose tinted specs

SHE BLUSHED TO HER ROOTS

She blushed to her roots

When he gave his diagnosis

Which caused him to delay

In delivering the prognosis

Then it dawned on him as he

Looked at the blushing Dinah

So, he said to her much louder

“I said you have acute angina”