THE BRONZE AGE

 

Of all the ages of history

Historian will attest

That the bronze age

Was the third best

FAMILY BIOLOGY

 

I had to be brought up by

My non bio family

As my biological parents

Gave me a rash sadly

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 163

 

Wash on Monday,

Iron on Tuesday,

Bake on Wednesday,

Brew on Thursday,

Churn on Friday,

Mend on Saturday,

Go to meeting on Sunday.

And all on minimum wage

These polish maids are brilliant

ARE YOU WEARING A FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a French maid’s outfit?

Does it come with all the kit?

The little apron and the hat

The black stockings and all that

With all the coyness you can muster

Reach up with your feather duster

On tip toes reach up high

So I can glimpse a bit of thigh

Then come back down to earth

And get to work for all your worth

I GOT CAUGHT TAKING A PISS

 

I got caught taking a piss

In the local swimming pool

The lifeguard shouted so loud,

I nearly fell in. the bloody fool

MY DOCTOR SAID I’M BORDERLINE OBESE

 

My doctor said I’m borderline obese

But it didn’t bother me at all

Because at the end of the day

That makes me borderline Normal

PUT DOWN # 49

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Allow me to give you an example

By way of a demonstration

 

When I was in a club one night

It must have been nearly half past two

A woman said to me “If you lost weight,

Shaved and cut your hair you would do

I replied “yes but if I did all that,

I’d be talking to your mates instead of you”