ALCOHOL IS NOT THE ANSWER

 

Alcohol is not the answer

That’s my suggestion

It does help however

To make you forget the question

I NEED GLASSES

 

I need glasses

So, it would appear

But the glasses I need

Let me be clear

Are glasses of wine

And glasses of beer

I DO DRINK COFFEE

 

I do drink Coffee

But it’s not a favourite of mine

It doesn’t fill me with cheer

 

It just fills in the time

Until it’s socially acceptable

To start drinking beer

PERSONAL HYGIENE

 

The instructions

On my new stick deodorant read

Remove cap

And push up bottom. It said

I complied with the instructions

And it made my eyes water

I had difficulty walking

I had to grip my buttocks taughter

But when I had to fart

I did so quite softly

And noticed at once

That the room smelt lovely

THE DEPENDABLE FIG ROLL

 

The dependable Fig Roll

Or Fig Newton if you must

As one of your five a day

It’s an absolute must

PRIORITISING

 

Players perform elaborate routines

When goals are scored by my team

They must practise them for days

But I would prefer in many ways

That the celebration performers

Would practise defending corners

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 139

 

Polly put the kettle on,

Polly put the kettle on,

Polly put the kettle on,

We'll all have tea.

Sukey take it off again,

Sukey take it off again,

Sukey take it off again,

Stop pissing about Sukey