The instructions
On my new stick
deodorant read
Remove cap
And push up bottom. It
said
I complied with the
instructions
And it made my eyes
water
I had difficulty
walking
I had to grip my
buttocks taughter
But when I had to fart
I did so quite softly
And noticed at once
That the room smelt
lovely
The dependable Fig Roll
Or Fig Newton if you
must
As one of your five a day
It’s an absolute must
Players perform elaborate routines
When goals are scored
by my team
They must practise
them for days
But I would prefer in
many ways
That the celebration
performers
Would practise
defending corners
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
We'll all have tea.
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Stop pissing about
Sukey
Are you wearing a rose?
Its subtle fragrance,
heaven knows
So sweet smelling to
the nose
That Rose pinned to
your lapel
Does intoxicate me so
well
And does hold me in
its spell
To counteract the signs of aging
I have an alternative
to the
Cosmetic treatment
hustle
I just drink plenty of
wine
It’s much cheaper than
Botox
And paralyses more
muscles
I supported the Red Cross
For many Years
But their hard sell
tactics
Brought me to tears
Not content with
My monthly
subscription
They bombarded me with
requests
Of every description
First, they told of
troubles
In foreign lands
I said “I can’t pay
more
Than what I had
planned”
So, they thought a
change of tack
Will open my wallet
And told me what they
did
In Nether Wallop
Emails and letters
Calling with the hard
sell
Well, I’ve had enough
They can go to hell
