ARE YOU WEARING SURGICAL STOCKINGS?

 

Are you wearing surgical stockings?

I know that shouldn’t excite me

The thought of them turns me on

If that’s a problem, you can bite me

THE CARROT CAKE

 

The Carrot cake

I have to say

You can include

As one of your five a day

ON THEIR OBESECYCLE

 

On their obesecycle

They have to scurry

Not that the obese

Are able to hurry

 

They can still walk

Though they don’t bovver

And they are so fat

That they appear to hover 

A SCANDAL HAS BROKEN

 

A scandal has broken

Of the very worst kind

It’s totally unforgivable

To my way of mind

That fraud Pudsey Bear

Isn’t really blind

FAREWELL TO YOUTH

 

I’m getting old

My youth has been relinquished

I’m told my grey hair

Makes me look distinguished

The sad truth is

My ego has been extinguished

COQ AU VAN

 

I tried cooking with wine last night

But it didn’t go very well therein

After five generous glasses

I forgot why I was in the kitchen

MOTHER’S DAY

 

Don’t forget mum on Mother’s Day

A bottle of something I think

And just remember that it is you

That drives her to drink