21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 122

 

Mary loved her little lamb

Every single day of course

But most of all on Sunday

With homemade mint sauce

ARE YOU WEARING A NEGLIGEE?

 

Are you wearing a negligee?

It’s really very nice, I must say

I can see through it all the way

Every line, every curve, every dip

But if I might just offer a little tip

The foliage could do with a clip

I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 3

 

I really need to moderate

The way I live my life

Last night I drank so much

I turned into my wife

 

I failed to grasp simple logic

And became overly emotional

Then I talked incessantly

And made no sense at all

F.L.O.

 

The police knocked at my door

And gave me the fright of my life

First, they asked me my name

Then showed me a picture of the wife

 

“I’m afraid it looks like she’s been

Hit by a bus,” the officer said to me

I nodded and said in reply “I know

But she has a lovely personality”

FEMININE CONUNDRUM # 2

 

How is it that women can go through childbirth?

With all its inherent agony

Yet manage to scare themselves to death

At the sight of a dust bunny

I’M A FREE AGENT ONCE AGAIN

 

I’m a free agent once again

Since I broke up with my optician girlfriend

She was very nice but to be honest

It was our sex life in the end

That broke up our bliss

She kept saying “is it better like this or this”?

BLONDE SHOWER

 

Bimbette was in the shower

And spent all day in the en suite

Because it said on the shampoo bottle

“Lather, Rinse, Repeat”