The doctor and his wife
We’re having a fight
At the breakfast table.
But before he took flight
From the tempestuous
scene
These terrible words
were said
In the heat of the
moment
“And you’re no good in
bed”
Later when he got home
She and another were
in sexual union
“What are you doing?”
He yelled on the
unhappy reunion
She replied calmly
George is a married man
Who is content with
his lot
But he calls his wife
“mother of two”
Which she likes not a
jot
One day at a house
party
He said as the
partying was done
“Come along then
“mother of two””
She replied “ok father
of one”
She said to me last night
“Left a bit, right a
bit,
Forward, now back,
Up a bit, down a bit”
With the relentless
instructions
She was barking
I snapped “for God’s
sake
Are we having sex or
parking?”
When I was a babe
Milk was my tipple
Either from a bottle
Or from mummy’s nipple
When I was a boy
Soda was the tops
Delicious bubbly
Sugary Fizzy pops
When I was a man
Beer hit the spot
A foaming brew
In a glass pint pot
Now I’m an old man
Drinking has no charm
As all my fluids
Now go thru my arm
The North wind doth blow and we shall have snow
Pavements won’t be cleared, and roads won’t see grit
Council employees will
sit in the depot keeping warm
While the rest of us
citizens have to get on with it
Are you wearing a sheepdog bra?
Don’t answer I can see
that you are
Because the rounded-up
confections
Are pointed in the
right direction
I went to the family planning clinic
And I got a tip that
is beyond price
It was written below
the sign
For “Family Planning
Advice”
It simply read “Use
rear entrance”
That’s what I call
good advice
