MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE BEAST

 

The shepherd lad called shep,

Though that was a Sobriquet,

Watched over his ragged flock

As he sat playing his flageolet

 

So enchanting was the melody

Played on his small fipple flute

It mesmerised the watching wolf

Making him easier to shoot

REGULAR HABITS

 

I pee every morning at 6 am.

Like the proverbial racehorse

And I evacuate my bowels

30 minutes later in force

Which would be perfect

If by then I was awake of course

DOCTOR PLEASE

 

“Doctor please help me?

I have a ringing in my ears"

He replied “if they ask for me

Tell them I’m not here”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 102

 

Mary had a little secret

She was a bit of a lush

She was not white as snow

But pure as the driven slush

ARE YOU WEARING A BASQUE?

 

Are you wearing a Basque?

Is it a black one may I ask

Do you have a matching mask

And will you take me to task

STRAWBERRY HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

 

All I can do is stand and stare

At the strawberry headed maiden fair

The girl with the shinning blonde hair

Oh beautiful maiden standing there

With tresses of reddish-blonde hair

Please be the answer to my prayer

CITIZENSHIP TEST

 

I have had an idea

For a citizenship test

And based on the success

Of this quest

The asylum application

Result should rest

 

The test would begin

With a long queue

That stretches away

Out of view

And that is all

That they’d have to do

 

Stand in a queue

Without knowing

The reason why

Or where it was going

And by this their

British-ness is showing

 

But if they fail

If they break ranks

Then that’s it

They’ve drawn blanks

And it’s goodbye

And no thanks