21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 89

 

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children she didn't know what to do!

Sadly this case is not an exception

If only her daughters had used contraception

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 3

 

Dreams are an odd part of life

Last night my considerate wife

Woke me from my slumber to declare

“It was so bloody unfair”

I said “what on earth is wrong?

“What’s unfair, what’s going on? 

“The life of a sports journalist”

She replied and she wasn’t even pissed

ROTY 2011

 

It is such a travesty

Of a decision I fear

Carol Vorderman

Winning Rear of the Year

 

But I wonder if Pippa

Gives a damn

That the voters

Prefer mutton to lamb

ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?

 

Are you wearing underwear?

Or are you naked under there

Have you gone commando?

Oh I really do hope that’s so

I like to think you are bare

Walking around sans underwear

VEGETUS # 3

 

My son has announced

His intent to take the pledge

To give up eating meat

He has given to allege

But I don’t know what he’ll eat

As he doesn’t eat veg

SENIOR COURTING

 

I have met a woman online

A fellow silver surfer

We had a date last night

And I really fancied her

 

But it’s been too many years

And I couldn’t satisfy her

I think I’m suffering

From penile dementia

SELF DISCIPLINED

 

I don’t need stimulation

Of any kind

Because I have simply

Trained my mind

To flick a switch

If I need to perform

A simple “click”

And I have the horn

I can get an erection

With a single thought

I consider myself

To be self taut