ROTY 2011

 

It is such a travesty

Of a decision I fear

Carol Vorderman

Winning Rear of the Year

 

But I wonder if Pippa

Gives a damn

That the voters

Prefer mutton to lamb

ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?

 

Are you wearing underwear?

Or are you naked under there

Have you gone commando?

Oh I really do hope that’s so

I like to think you are bare

Walking around sans underwear

VEGETUS # 3

 

My son has announced

His intent to take the pledge

To give up eating meat

He has given to allege

But I don’t know what he’ll eat

As he doesn’t eat veg

SENIOR COURTING

 

I have met a woman online

A fellow silver surfer

We had a date last night

And I really fancied her

 

But it’s been too many years

And I couldn’t satisfy her

I think I’m suffering

From penile dementia

SELF DISCIPLINED

 

I don’t need stimulation

Of any kind

Because I have simply

Trained my mind

To flick a switch

If I need to perform

A simple “click”

And I have the horn

I can get an erection

With a single thought

I consider myself

To be self taut

BAGS OF SACKS

 

What sacks should I use?

In the garden?

Should I use plastic?

Or maybe Hessian?

 

I’m not sure I care

To be quite factual

I suppose it’s because

I am bi-sacksual

I AM DEFINITELY READY TO SAY IT

 

I am definitely ready to say it

I hope she is ready to hear it

How will she take it, who knows?

I take a deep breath and here goes

I stutter and I stammer thru

She said “I know and I love you too