PUT DOWN # 45

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

A best with animal magnetism

Is what he will probably think

Just say to him

"So you're the missing link"

EASILY IMPRESSED

 

The woman that does my ironing

Is a natural, she is truly blessed

But she can’t see it herself

I’m beginning to think she’s repressed

DOCTOR SHARP

 

I went to see the doctor

With fluid on the knee

And do you know what he said?

“Take better aim when you pee”

CALL FOR SETH

 

If you need a job doing

Then you need Seth

He is cold, deadly

And as ruthless as Macbeth

He strikes with a deadly puff

A foul satisfying breath

He is the flatulator

The noxious dealer of death

THE SIMPLEST PLEASURES # 2

 

The simplest pleasures in life

Requiring no payment or fee

But give the most satisfaction

In spite of their simplicity

Like the unparalleled relief

Of letting your wind go free

HALFWAY UP THE STAIRS

 

I have come to the conclusion

That old age just isn’t fair

You know sometimes I find myself

Standing halfway up the stairs

Wondering if I was going up

Or coming back down from there

A FARE HEARING

 

My friend just returned from America

Where he had undergone surgery

To have a hearing aid implant fitted

And he was telling me about it excitedly

 

He said it was space age, state of the art

Twenty thousand dollars and worth every dime

I asked about the battery, “What type is it”?

He said I think it’s a little after nine