DRAB DOREEN

 

My memory takes me back

To a time when I was young

And I was pleasurably distracted by Doreen

Dear Doreen, who people rather unkindly called plain

True her face was heavily freckled

And she rarely wore any makeup

But her eyes were the most dazzling blue and always smiled

Her hair was straight and chestnut brown

She was a skinny little thing and flat chested

But with the most exquisite bottom

I don’t know why people thought her plain

Maybe it’s because Doreen is a plain sounding name

I know one thing that is true

They would never have called her plain

If they had seen her in the bedroom

COLLAR AND CUFFS

 

Hey there blondie I really like your hair

But I bet that it’s a different shade down there

I bet you don’t have any white, blonde thatch

Your collar and cuffs certainly won’t match

Or maybe a mismatch really isn’t anticipated

Possibly you have already defoliated

I don’t mind you with or without down below

I’m an easy to please kind of fellow

And if you’re a bottle blonde I don’t care

Or if there is a mismatch with body hair

Any way it comes that’s my simple philosophy

And besides it’s not something I’m likely to see

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 43

 

Yan, tan, tethera, pethera, pimp.

They’ll not miss the one with a limp

Sethera, methera, hovera, covera, dik,

Let’s just kill it nice and quick

We’ve counted all the masters’ sheep

Let’s have lamb stew before we sleep

FRIDAY’S GIRL

 

Friday’s girl

For loving you yearn

But you are too giving

When will you learn?

TEMPORARY AFFLICTION

 

I have a stack of work to do

With deadlines to meet too

So much work I can’t get into

Because I just sit and stare at Sue

 

Sue is the new temporary

And she’s got me quite contrary

The last temp was very scary

Not to mention rather hairy

 

But Sue is such a rare beauty

Down to earth not at all snooty

But it’s hard to fulfil my duty

When I think of Sue getting fruity

A QUESTION OF COURTSHIP

 

I like you very much and I am attracted to you

But something that I have quite often thought

If you wouldn’t mind my asking, is, are you chaste

And more importantly have you ever been caught

SWEET EXPECTATIONS

 

She is the most sugary sweet

Girl you could meet

In essence she is a perfection

Of a confection

She is a sweet sensation

She is a candy creation

She is a delicious bon bon

Need I really go on on

And to tell the honest truth

I have the sweetest tooth

And long to consume

In the quiet of her room

This soft cantered dream

Of peaches and cream

But like many a desire

That lights a man’s fire

Come the appropriate hour

The candy will turn sour