PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

Like “I'm ready for some FUN,

I hope you are too

I already have the F and the N,

Now all I need is U” 

GIRL ON HORSEBACK

Elegant and beautiful I thought

Admiring the girl on the horse

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

No glance back at me of course

 

She sits in the saddle quite aloof

A cut above us I’ve been told

A little bit snobby to tell the truth

But she is a beauty to behold

 

As for the horse she sits upon

A fine thoroughbred steed

A beast like she, looks down its nose

Because like her it’s of noble breed

 

You expect to be looked down upon

By a girl atop a noble horse

But when on terra firma

I would expect equality of course

 

But from her five-foot one-inch stance

She looked down on me once more

Which was quite a feat indeed for her

As I stand tall at six foot four 

BLACKBERRY CAT

 

You had to go out on such a filthy day

Even though you have a litter tray

I suppose outside there is fun to be had

And you’re still active so I should be glad

But why is it that you deign to re-enter?

Taking a path right across the centre

With half the garden on your paws

Only after I’ve washed all the floors

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED IT AT THE SEASIDE

 

I've always loved it at the seaside

But I don’t like dirty postcards

I don’t like kiss me quick hats

Or ice creams on the promenades

 

I don’t like the sand in the picnic

Or the feel of dry salt on my skin

I don’t like the smell of the seaweeds

Or the sound of seagulls screaming

 

I don’t like the amusement arcades

And I don’t like the movement of the tide

I don’t like to sit in the deckchairs

I've always loved it at the seaside

NATURAL JUSTICE

Natural justice for those deserving

Needs applying

So, the man who invented Fucking

Needs decorating

And the man who invented decorating

Needs fucking

OVER THE HILL

As a young man in the full flower of youth

I had more than my fair share of adventures

Now the best I can manage, to tell the truth

Is staring at the glass that holds me dentures

STROKE OF LUCK

Three old ladies were sitting in the park

When a flasher came walking by

This caused Ada to have a stroke

But the other two were just too shy