I'VE ALWAYS LOVED IT AT THE SEASIDE

 

I've always loved it at the seaside

But I don’t like dirty postcards

I don’t like kiss me quick hats

Or ice creams on the promenades

 

I don’t like the sand in the picnic

Or the feel of dry salt on my skin

I don’t like the smell of the seaweeds

Or the sound of seagulls screaming

 

I don’t like the amusement arcades

And I don’t like the movement of the tide

I don’t like to sit in the deckchairs

I've always loved it at the seaside

NATURAL JUSTICE

Natural justice for those deserving

Needs applying

So, the man who invented Fucking

Needs decorating

And the man who invented decorating

Needs fucking

OVER THE HILL

As a young man in the full flower of youth

I had more than my fair share of adventures

Now the best I can manage, to tell the truth

Is staring at the glass that holds me dentures

STROKE OF LUCK

Three old ladies were sitting in the park

When a flasher came walking by

This caused Ada to have a stroke

But the other two were just too shy

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 9

 

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,

Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,

The silly man would have looked better

If he waited till the warmer weather

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 5

If you were a sports car

You would be a classic of course

But your big end has gone

And you leak from the exhaust

PUT DOWN # 8

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Where have you been all my life?”

Is the kind of line you might get

So just reply to him

“I wasn’t born for most of it”