SHOPPING MODE # 1

 

Bimbette was a model

And was not very bright

And she went shopping

After work one night

She bought herself a scarf

Which was garish and bright

But she had to take it back

Because it was too tight

Uncanny Tales – (53) Cello Virtuoso

 For Thomas Barnstone, there is something about a Cellist that really turns him on, a female Cellist obviously, in a low cut evening dress of emerald green velvet, with the great polished instrument between her long black clad legs.

He particularly likes the way the musicians long brunette hair dances across her naked shoulders and brushes her alabaster skin in frantic rhythm to her playing as she delivers her perfectly practised rendition to a largely disinterested audience while sitting in the lavish surroundings of a grand Hotel lobby.
So Cellists really turn Thomas on, especially when it was the pale willowy figure of a girl called Deidre, purposefully thrashing out a piece by Elgar or perhaps playing some uplifting Vivaldi, maybe even some mesmeric Schubert or God forbid some music to slash your wrists by courtesy of Mahler or Wagner, in truth the music itself really was unimportant, and strictly speaking it’s isn’t even Cellists that turn him on but there was something about Deidre that definitely does when she plays the Cello.

But the important something about that particular Cellist, that really turned Thomas Barnstone on, stems from when Deirdre performed for him in his luxury Finchbottom Apartment with the great polished instrument between her long black stocking clad legs, with her long brunette hair dancing across her naked shoulders and brushing her alabaster skin in frantic rhythm to her playing, as she delivered her perfectly practised rendition while she was completely naked.

WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 1

We went to a fancy-dress party

I was a wizard, and she was a witch

But I knew it was time to leave

When she tapped her witch watch

ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN STOCKINGS?

 

Are you wearing Halloween stockings?

Beneath your long black coat

Are you suitably resplendent?

Will you really float my boat?

Are they risqué and shocking?

Will they easily get my vote?

It could mean a happy Halloween

For a certain horny old goat

MY LITTLE NIECE GOES TO HOGWARTS

 

My little niece goes to Hogwarts

She’s a witch and she’s excelling

But of all the subjects she takes

Her favourite one is spelling

I AM BY NO MEANS PERFECT, BUT

 

I am by no means perfect, but my wife

Has a particularly dirty habit

Which she won’t like me mentioning

As it involves a rampant rabbit

THE ONLY BUSINESS MODEL

 

The only business model

Whose proprietor prefers

Customers with no redeeming

Qualities, are Pawnbrokers