MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS HISTORICAL

 

My wife always gets historical

When we argue, not hysterical

She drags up things you know

That happened many years ago

SHE WAS NINETY THREE YEARS OLD

 

She was ninety three years old

While he was only ninety one

Not a cross word, but they were

Both deaf when said and done

THE FIRST SIGN IS FORGETTING NAMES

 

The first sign is forgetting names

And that really makes you frown

Then you forget to pull your flies up

Finally, you forget to pull it down

I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 1

You know you’re getting old

When answering your phone cheerily

There is silence on the other end

And you realize it was on the TV 

AT MY ADVANCED AGE # 1

 

At my advanced age I’m sometimes

Overwhelmed by the urge to get home

Get into my elastic waisted trousers

And enjoy the comfort of the room

I ONCE KNEW A GIRL CALLED JO # 1

I once knew a girl called Jo

I called her Jo the Trumpet

A bit of a musical strumpet

She was certainly crumpet

But her lips were hard and dry

Uncanny Tales – (34) Late for Work

I don’t like tardiness and in particular I don’t like being late for work, but sometimes it just can’t be helped, but there was one particular morning this last winter when events overtook me and I was late for work.

It was so damn cold that morning, as it was 7 below the night before, I know that in some country’s 7 below is considered mild, but in Surrey it was bloody cold.

It took me an age to defrost the car and then I had to give the wife a jump start, the poor old thing just would not start and I had a real problem turning her over, still she’s getting on now, but I eventually got her going and once you get her firing on all cylinders she goes like the clappers.

So that it why I was late for work, but it’s a good job my wife’s car started first time otherwise she’d have been late for work too.