I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN PUNS

 

I was trying to explain puns

With a great degree of difficulty

To a group of kleptomaniacs

But they just take things literally

FOR MY JOB I DO SHIFT WORK

 

For my job I do shift work

At a publishing place

I have to help a one armed

Typist do upper case

DO LAZY PEOPLE EXERCISE

 

Do lazy people exercise?

I happen to think probably not

But if they did something

It would be a Diddly-squat

I SAID I WANTED TO BE A COMEDIAN

 

I said I wanted to be a comedian

And my wife laughed, the rotten cow

Well, I have become a comedian

And I can say that no one’s laughing now

TODAY I ADDED INSULT ONTO INJURY

 

Today I added insult onto injury

To a recovering paragliding enthusiast

As they lay motionless in Casualty

When I wrote something rude on his cast

BUYING A COMB FOR A BALD MAN

 

Buying a comb for a bald man

Is clearly the act of a misfit

It’s the unkindest gift of all

Which he’ll never part with it

UNSTABLE CHEESE

 

The most unstable cheese

Curdled and quackers

Will appear quite sane

In between two crackers