MY GIRLFRIEND THINKS I'M A STALKER

 

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker

She’s thought it ever since we met

Well, I say girlfriend, I should explain

That, she's not my girlfriend, yet

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE ODESSA FILE (1974)

 “The Odessa File” is a historical drama, screenplay by Kenneth Ross and George Markstein based on the Novel by Frederick Forsyth and Directed by Ronald Neame

The story is set in Germany in 1963, at the time of the Kennedy assassination.

Following the suicide of an elderly Jewish man, freelance journalist Peter Miller (Jon Voight) takes possession of the man's diary and investigates the alleged sighting of a former S.S. Captain, who commanded a concentration camp during World War II.

His investigation leads him to Simon Wiesenthal (Shmuel Rodensky) and to a group of Israeli Secret Service.

Miller eventually finds himself involved with the powerful organization of former S.S. members, called “O.D.E.S.S.A.” and he s trained to infiltrate them.

It’s a very suspenseful film with fine performances from the supporting cast including, Mary Tamm, Maximillian Schell, Maria Schell, and Derek Jacobi.

THE WHOLE FAMILY WERE WATCHING POINTLESS

The whole family were watching Pointless

Playing along and doing quite well, more or less

The first round was about words ending in TOR

But the answer was a carnivore or an omnivore

It had to end TOR, but the answer ate things

The first two answers were Alligator or Predator

My daughter shouted out “Vibrator” triumphantly

Good word but they don’t eat things I’m afraid sweetie

“Yes, they do dad” she argued “Mum told me so”

“She said, hers eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow” 

A MAN DIALLED 999

 

A man dialled 999 and said

“I’m pretty sure my wife is dead”

The operator asked him calmly

“Why aren’t you certain she’s dead?”

“Well the ironing hasn’t been done,

But she’s still the same in bed”

SAILORS FIGHTING IN A DANCE HALL

 

Two sailors where fighting

Over a prostitute on the dance floor

They both had one arm each

In a bizarre game of Tug-of-whore

GYNAECOLOGICAL SCARE

 

My older sister managed

To scare her gynaecologist

But that’s one of the perks

Of being a ventriloquist

THE MUSIC TEACHER WAS FOUND GUILTY

 

The music teacher was found guilty

And put on the sex offender’s register

He was giving guitar lessons and

Was arrested for fingering A minor