THERE ARE AN EVIL GROUP OF MEN

 

There are an evil group of men

Who abide in shadows darkly

And control all the world’s cheese

They are known as the hallouminati

MY WIFE TOLD ME OVER BREAKFAST

 

My wife told me over breakfast

That sex was better on holiday

It took me completely by surprise

As the postcard only arrived that day

THE HOKEY COKEY # 3

 

I’m learning the Hokey Cokey

After all that’s what it’s all about

I haven’t learned it all just yet 

But I’ve got all the ins and outs

I ALWAYS LIKE TO HOLD HANDS

 

I always like to hold hands

When I go to the pictures

Which for some reason

Seems to surprise strangers

MY AUNT WAS THIRTY WHEN SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY

 

My Aunt was thirty when she lost her virginity

She had left it so late as the act was so dreaded

But was relieved when it had finally happened,

And wasn’t so much deflowered as deadheaded

PUT DOWN # 63

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”

Let him buy you a drink at the bar

Then speak “Let me just say that if bullshit

Was music, you'd be a full orchestra”

WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROOSTER WHO WAKES

 

What do you call a rooster who wakes

You up every morning at five o’clock

His actual name is Foghorn Leghorn

But we like to call him the alarm cock