I THINK MEN ARE LIKE WEAPONS

 

I think men are like weapons

Because if you keep one

Around the house sooner or later

You’ll want to shoot one

SOMETIMES I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY

 

Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy

I admitted to my wife Dot

In reply she said chillingly

Not while I’m alive you’re not

HE WAS LOCKED UP AFTER HE THREW

 

He was locked up after he threw

His wife’s clothes out the window

What made it a heinous crime

She was wearing them at the time

HE MARKED HIS GOLDEN WEDDING

He marked his golden wedding

With his customary defiance

Celebrating the special occasion

With a two minute silence

MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS HISTORICAL

My wife always gets historical

When we argue, not hysterical

She drags up things you know

That happened many years ago

SHE WAS NINETY-THREE YEARS OLD

 

She was ninety-three years old

While he was only ninety-one

Not a cross word, but they were

Both deaf when said and done

FUNERALS DO NOT HAVE TO BE A TIME OF SADNESS

 

Funerals do not have to be a time of sadness

And while they should not be a time of gladness

They can still be a time of celebration though

Especially if the deceased was a miserable so and so