WHATS IN A NAME (20)

 

Does anyone know was Joseph Rashe?

Would you like to see Stacey Dash?

Does anyone think is Howard Stern?

Does anyone know did Gabriel Byrne?

FEAR NOT

 

There are many

Phobias and fears

Causing consternation

Jitters or tears

Like agoraphobia

Fear of open spaces

Parks and fields

And public places

They are by definition

Irrational by nature

Fear of things

Causing discomfiture

Angora phobia is

If I know no better

The irrational fear

Of a Mohair sweater

BRITS ABROAD

 

On the islands of Greece

And on the coast of Spain

In the pubs and clubs

Brawling Brits are back again

But not the young and brainless

Of that I have no doubts

But the silver haired faction

The affluent oldies or Saga louts

GREAT BODYWORK

My wife caught me looking

At a lovely young woman today

A gorgeous young slip of a thing

And I did get an earful? I’ll say

 

So, I replied to her calm, as you like

“I can admire a shiny car on display

But it doesn’t mean that I intend

To get in it and drive it away”

LAY BY

 

I’m in a busy lay by

On a busy road

Vehicles come and go

Lorries for a rest break

Car drivers stretch legs

Or have a smoke

Maybe use the phone.

There’s one now

He’s walking my way

I hope he doesn’t want directions

He’s closer now

He smiles warmly

Which is a little worrying

A woman appears in my vision

Peripherally

They embrace

In a business-like way

And walk towards his car

She isn’t dress for business

Not that kind anyway

Funny business, maybe

In the car they kiss again

With passion this time

Both playing away, obviously

They disengage themselves

And drive away

To continue their passions

Elsewhere, obviously

Her car is behind me somewhere

Left empty and abandoned

Until their passion is spent

Ahead of me somewhere

I can see another car sitting empty

Another story of lust and betrayal

Or mechanical breakdown

As for me

I’m waiting to meet my brother’s wife

It’s a funny business

SIZE DOESN’T MATTER

 

Gnats as big as Bats

Bats as big as Rats

Rats as big as Cats

Fleas as big as Bees

Bees that eat the Trees

Trees that eat the Cheese

Fly’s that eat pork Pies

Pies that wear bow Ties

Ties that tell you Lies

I see with eyes blinking

Things to get me thinking

God I must stop drinking

WIND BREAKER

 

When women break wind

The smell isn’t offensive to noses

Their farts smell more, they claim

Of lavender or roses