TO ALL THOSE WHITE PEOPLE

 

To all those white people, apologizing

For the times that have gone before

I just suggest you speak for yourselves

As I’ve done nothing to apologize for

YES PRIME MINISTER

 

With all the power that resides

In the musty chambers of Westminster

Whether MPs be young or old

Married or single bachelor or spinster

At exalted levels they become devils

And are less minister than sinister

RAP TRAP

Wearing baggy pants and baseball cap

Rap Rap Rappers doing Rap Crap

Strutting on stage with tuneless rhyme

Ten a penny boys’ nickel and dime

Gangster rapper’s handgun crime

Hip Hop Hoppers new craze grime

Spitting in the mike while they strut about

This ain’t music there’s no doubt

Beat the drum ring the bell

Hip Hop Flop the musical hell 

DOCTOR LARDY

 

They used to call us fatty

Chunky or sometimes tubby

Euphemisms like sumo

Alternatively, maybe chubby

However Political correctness

Has demanded that this must cease

So now the doctors just call us

All Clinically obese

NIP AND TUCK

 

Some people seek perfection

Something’s offend their vanity

Which leads them to decide

On bouts of cosmetic surgery

 

Breast enlargements, tummy tucks

Rhinoplasty implants and grafts

New procedures all the time

Techniques to test the surgeon craft

 

I don’t hold with it myself

It’s something I have always felt

Never mess with Mother Nature

And play the hand you are dealt

HALF AND HALF

 At the pub in the good old days

You could save a penny or two

By selecting the cheaper option

A pint of half and half would do

But in order to save your pennies

The desperate price you had to pay

Was that half came out of the pump

The rest came from the drip tray

PERVERTED PETE

 

Perverted Pete during a heat wave

While armed with a handheld fan

Would converse with all the girls

For Pete was that kind of a man

Whilst he engaged in conversation

Casually without being detected

He would aim the fan at her breasts

Until both of her nipples erected